lOveLy mAy 4 yOU

Reaching out and sharing a problem is the first important step. Contact a counselor and explore with him or her, this dilemma you are in.

There are many, many people in the world, with whom we could fall in love, or marry. But unless we want a very unstable and unhappy life, we focus our attention and our energy on one love partner at a time.

You won’t forget this other man, so stop trying. The harder you try to forget, the more you will upset yourself. Appreciate those parts of that relationship which helped you to grow and understand yourself.

Consciously focus on the other important "love people" in your life, such as your husband and your children. Make some notes on things that they appreciate, things you can do to please them, and things that the two (or more, if with the children) of you enjoy doing together.

I suspect your husband is a very nice and good man, but not a highly emotionally close person. Ask him to go with you to a counselor or a pastor, so that the two of you can learn ways to get closer, emotionally, to one another.

With some people, as perhaps with your friends, emotional closeness comes automatically. With others, it takes more conscious effort. There is nothing wrong with a manual shift marriage, where you work openly and consciously, at sharing feelings, sharing understanding, and sharing goals. It’s a great partnership builder.

I enclosed some handouts on marriage communication, and a book list. Some book may be out of print, but can likely be obtained through your library on inter-library loan. Readers may receive these by sending me a stamped self-addressed envelope.